How to become a Parisian in one hour.

I got this now, I am an expert. It helps that I spend any spare minute I get in Paris.

This Friday I had the day off and [surprise] I went to Paris.

I was just waiting for a friend at Hotel de Ville when a guy across the street on a motorbike points to me. So being the person that I am, I just point back… Then he waves me over… Now again I remind you this all happens across the street… as in he has stopped his motorbike halfway across the busy street in Paris… So at first I thought it was a person that I knew but just can’t see very well (I’m blind), so I head over. Once I make it to the middle street barrier thing I realize I do not know this human. But then he goes:

Him:“русская?” [“Russian?”].

[rest of the conversation was also in Russian but I hate using the on-screen keyboard and I’d have to translate it all anyways so I’ll just continue writing in English].

Me: “yes”

Him: “What’s your name?”

Me: “Anastasia, you?”

Him: “Sasha”

Him: “What are you doing tonight come to a party with me.”

Me: “Sorry I have plans. But I am more interested to understand why you thought I was Russian and decided to scream that across the street to me”

Him: “Because you just look Russian. I instantly knew.”

Me: “Well I’m flattered thanks, but I won’t be going out with you”

Him: “Well how about tomorrow, take my number”

*proceeds to give me his number

Me: “Yeah, thanks”

Him: “Ok I will be seeing you soon I hope”

Me: “Right, drive safe”

Anyways it was more entertaining than it turned out written down, but it was still really weird! Like who calls out someone by their nationality across the street… Like what if I made him look like an idiot and said “no I’m chinese”, or something. Like it really is mind-boggling to me how he was so confident he knew my nationality.

So after that, I finally met up with a friend who showed me: the oldest thing in Paris, the oldest park in Paris, and the oldest building in Paris [but this one is obviously debatable, but the picture looks cool so whatever, we’ll pretend]. It was a day of exploration. I love days like that. While I do enjoy the days where I just wander around Paris, losing myself in it’s Parisian-ness, I also love days where I actually learn something and see something special.

So anyways, for the folks that are unable to explore Paris here’s the pictures of the things mentioned above:

The oldest place in Paris is this sort of stadium (think Gladiator) built by the Romans in the 2nd century. I'm surprised it is so hidden away and completely unrecognizable to tourists. Instead it's a great place for french kids to play football after school. Still this was really cool thing to see. 

The oldest park... and all you see are these bushes.. I don't know what I was thinking and why this is the only picture I took of the park. It's called Place des Vosges and it's the oldest park in Paris. 

Also I just took pictures of these houses because they stood out quite significantly. They are clearly older than the surrounding buildings... but I highly doubt they are the oldest in Paris. 

Oh we also went to “Jardin des Plantes” – translates to garden of plants if I’ve spelt that correctly – but our first “attraction” was in fact kangaroos…. Yes I had the same confused look that you might be wearing at this moment. What in the world are kangaroos doing in the garden that is literally named “Plants”. Well turns out there is also a zoo nearby and the kangaroos are like a tease of what you can see at the zoo. Although I still don’t see the logic.

It was quite adorable as some of the mom's had joey's with them and they were so cute and tiny. 

We also spent some time by the Seine, surrounded by guitar, drinks... and naked men bathing in the Seine... yes I am serious. 

We walked through some square that I've already forgotten the name off, but it was surrounded by some really nice cafe's that I've got to check out. 

True Parisian parking... 

I then went to meet up with another friend for drinks (wine, obviously, I’m trying to fit in).

The Saturday was where I really got my lessons on how to be Parisian.

At first I went to grab coffee with a friend and we had an interesting conversation about crazy ex’s. Then I headed over to meet my host mom and some of her girlfriends for a night out at the theatre. We went to see the lovely one-man show “How to be a Parisian in one hour”.

So let me just say, if you are in Paris definitely check out this show! It is so hilarious and the interaction with the audience is really engaging. BUT WARNING. Do not take your parents or parents-in-law or grandparents (you get the picture) because there is tons of swearing and tons of sex-related conversations. It was quite hilarious because one of the audience members who got picked to come on stage came with his girlfriend… and mother-in-law. We had a good laugh.

What is the best part about the show, or about most humour, is how relatable it is. So again, if you are in Paris check out the show!

Just acting like the Parisians do. The man is Olivier Giraud, the creator of the show and truly a hilarious man. 

On the Sunday I was exhausted. All I wanted to do was relax and sleep. I had cancelled all my plans for that day in Paris and stayed in my pyjamas until 2:30. I had to finally get out of them as I had a friend coming over, and well I needed to be somewhat presentable. She came by and then we had a 10 minute discussion on what we should do…. Guess what we decided… obviously we went to Paris.

But this time it was different because we took the car to Paris. Now Paris is one of a kind for driving… you don’t do it unless you can and are not afraid of most likely having your car smashed (you’ve seen the parking photo). Anyways when we got into Paris we found parking almost right away… and it was FREE. WHAT?? I know…. It was free parking in Paris… that’s like finding gold. We then took the metro (it was free this weekend) to Montmartre where I finally saw the Moulin Rouge and Amelie café!

We returned and there was no ticket... It was definitely free. 

I had to get the "Amelie special". It was the best creme brulee I've ever had! 

We finished our day off at the Sacre Coeur and ate some cookies.

This has been one of my favourite weekends in Paris.

Cause you’re hot then you’re cold… wait no you’re mostly cold

The secret is out! I get cold… like all the time. No matter where I am, I am cold. I am that person who brings a sweater in 20-degree weather “just in case”… and uses it. And you can remind me as everyone else does “but you are Russian” and “don’t you live in Canada”, well Sir or Madame, thank you for pointing this out, but clearly the Russian genes got cancelled out in my DNA and I have to hibernate during the cold months (which in Canada is about 6 months).  As my new LA friend pointed out (yes I now have friends from LA…. I’m cool like that), I should just move to California; I’d survive better in that weather. I’ve apparently got the attitude down.

Today I had one of the best meals since coming to France. Best Part Number 1: it was free. BP#2: I got to enjoy it with friends. BP#3: event was made for us, around us, and pretty much we were the center of attention.

“How”, you might say, “do you land such an opportunity?”

Well when you’re sexy like us… just kidding. It’s mostly because (and I’ve mentioned this before) I have an awesome host family. My host mom is a teacher for apprentices, waiters included. So this was kind of like a mock test for the students. We had to evaluate them on their oral english throughout our meal. It was so cute how nervous the 3 students were! All I wanted to do was help them out when they struggled or stumbled over words. It was a really wonderful experience and I am so grateful to my host mom for inviting me to such an affair.

The one and only photo I took of the food. It was all just outstanding, Presentation and taste. 

Now is the time of picnics and Parisian-garden-exploring, which I just love (even though the weather isn’t up to “Stasi standards”)! My mission is to try and actually make something home-made for our next girly picnic coming up.  Clearly this blog is food and weather related. But I am sure more wine-related blogs will soon follow.

A second thing I should mention is that I really do love meeting new people and learning so many new things from them! Whether it’s museums, culture, advice, you get the picture. It really shows you how you can’t be that person who only wants one friend, your life can get pretty sad that way, you’d just never venture out of your little bubble.

So if you are that person, ad-venture! 

Dear Apple Store,

I am sorry for having spent almost a month stealing your internet. I am not so sorry for how you tried to subtly kick me out of your store after I’ve been sitting in there for two hours. The “genius” kept telling me to move, so I did… to another table, and like that it would go for about an hour; of me just shuffling around the store.

Quick Rant:

You know what is one thing that frustrates me about driving in France, the stupid roundabouts. Now it isn’t the roundabouts themselves (in reality they are a great concept for smoothly moving traffic along), but it is the people in them! Not everyone knows how to use roundabouts or is simply too lazy to do it right. Well sometimes people are just plain stupid and try to cut me off while I am in the roundabout, doing my roundabout thing, and they are trying get in without looking even though it clearly says at every entrance “Vous n’avez pas la priorité”, you don’t have to be an idiot to understand that YOU DO NOT HAVE THE PRIORITY to get in the stupid roundabout. So calm down and wait for me to pass rather than cutting me of and almost causing an accident.

Secondly, the people who don’t know how to use their clicker, really piss me off too. If you are exiting the roundabout please let me know so I could advance. It is really annoying when there is traffic and no one is showing that they are exiting right beside you (meaning you could have advanced). I am giving you the priority, but you don’t deserve it!

Anyways, it has been so sunny here in France…. Except when it came to the weekend… But that doesn’t mean that I’ll stay at home and sulk. On Saturday I wasn’t feeling so great so what do I do? Shopping, obviously. Food, clothes, jewelry; while I didn’t buy it all, I was definitely tempted (except for the food… I always buy the food. It’s like it calls to me).

Next I went to meet with some people. One of the people who was with us was a man from Africa who spoke fluent Russian (he lived in the USSR for 13 years, or something like that, when he was young). He then began to aggressively hit on me, which made me incredibly uncomfortable. So I told him I was unavailable. To which he replied with a “well I am married, and yet I am still available”, and then continued to lecture me on how life is short and we should enjoy it. He kept calling the other women his “lovers” (he had many). It made things even more uncomfortable! So I got annoyed and straight out told him that not only am I unavailable, but he can definitely count me out of his “lovers circle”.  Unfortunately that did not work as well as I planned, but thankfully my station was coming up and I was getting off the train before him.

The next day I went with a group to the REX cinema. It is the oldest cinema in Paris, built in the 1930’s. It has had lots of famous visitors from Jennifer Lawrence to Bradley Cooper (did you know he speaks French?!) and many others. What made the experience much more exciting was how the museum is an interactive museum! So at one point I got to be in a movie… I know pretty badass, you can start lining up for autographs.

Oh I also met another Russian man here, but he was much better than the one from the previous one. We had just a regular conversation. And it was quite funny how we met, as he came in right when I was explaining to people where Volgograd is (my go to explanation is always “Well do you know Stalingrad? Yeah it’s the same thing, they renamed it), at which point he comes in and is like “cool I am from Leningrad”. Some historical Russian humour for you here.

Like 1/5 of the wall showing the artists that have come by the REX

Also got up close and personal with superman

Some creepy guy who freaked me out, as he just opened the door suddenly.

Tunnel of spinny lights that make you feel like you are drunk walking through.

Then I ate a pizza bigger than my head. But it was delicious.

All is good overall. Kids seem to grow in energy as the sun stays longer up in the sky, which is quite fun. And the older girl is going through some changes into adolescence, which is a treat. Was I really like this when I was younger? I imagined myself as this quite kid, but I think I’ve been lying to myself. I think I was just as energetic and moody.

Also Leo is obsessed when ever I get ready for the day in Paris, she loves watching me put on makeup and get all jewelled up. So we figured we would do the same for her (minus the makeup obviously). The love the way she poses.

Oh and speaking of children who give attitude, I recently found out my sister has been role playing as me… which included taking the contacts that I’ve left at home and playing with them. Yes that is contacts that I’ve paid over $300 for… and yet she still has the nerve to give me attitude for being mad at her! Oh for god sakes, why are kids so difficult sometimes?!

You won’t give up, if you really want something.

Internet update: still nothing. Neighbours still haven’t noticed my continuous camping outside of their house. But good news, I finally have my internet data back on my phone… but I need to learn from my mistakes and not use it all up in one week. Terrified of this months cell phone bill…

I have awesome news! I have been accepted to the Masters that I have been trying to get since August 2014. Since the first email I sent out, I went through high’s and low’s. At first I was told that “you are a great researcher, I am really interested in having you, I’ve heard only great things about you…. BUT I don’t think I’ll have the money to support you”. When I want something I will not give up. So we kept emailing back and forth with my hopeful-future-supervisor, only sharing good news with each other about how maybe there might be an opportunity, etc etc. However, in November I get the dreaded “I apologize but I definitely won’t have money to support a project for any future students”. NOOOOOOOOO. Not only did my heart break (I am so in love with this research, interestingly enough it’s what I like to read up on in my spare time, think of projects here and there, and alone in my room question other works on this topic), but I was also completely screwed because by November I hadn’t applied anywhere else…. This supervisor, this school, was my first and only choice that I really wanted to pursue.

Like I said I don’t take no for an answer, so I set up an interview with this professor. In person he can see my passion, my determination, and my willingness to do whatever I can, to find the money and work in this lab, I just needed some help that was all.

In December was when I had the interview (conveniently it was because I was in Canada for the month, and also travelled to the University city). We talked about how awesome it would be to work together, but how unfortunate it is to be a biologist at this time in Canada…. You know funding cuts, environmental space shut-downs, the refusal to take scientific research into consideration… yes clearly all logical choices that are only for the good of science… Anyways, I really admire this professor for still showing me around, taking the time to talk to me about my interests, and suggest other professors I could apply to. I didn’t go into the interview with an expectation of hearing “we found a secret treasure that can support all research everywhere!”… Although it would have been nice.

So after returning back to France, guess what email I receive in the beginning of February “Anastasia there is a slight chance we might be able to take you on! I’ll let you know soon” WHHHHAAATTT!! How exciting! Well a month had passed and nothing… Although the silly human that I am I still had so much hope that I’d soon hear good news. So I took things into my own hands and contacted the professor with a simple “Any update?” Turns out he had some email problems and had already sent out my “good news” email!

So after all the struggle, all the stress, and all the support from my friends and family I can proudly say I will be starting a Masters program at my number one choice university, researching topics that I’ve been passionate about since second year of University! YES!

Some Disclamers:

Email’s are not word for word… more like really paraphrased.

No I will not mention where I am going and who I am working with on a public blog that is viewed around the world (seriously my 2^nd highest country to view this blog is Ireland… that’s so awesome, just really unexpected) because that is unprofessional and irresponsible.

All in all, if you want something DO NOT GIVE UP… if you do, then you clearly did not want it that badly in the first place.

Back to France blogging next post, I did not have much to write about this week anyways other than how I’ve painted, got motion sickness from the swings, and found a dead rat that I then had to maneuver into the bushes with a stick. So not so interesting.

Hey I’ll fix the Internet for you!

Not! Wtf man… we waited a week and a half for a guy from the company to come in, look at the damn thing for 20 minutes only to come to the conclusion he can’t fix it… well buddy, looks like I can do your job too… how much do they pay you to tell people you can’t do anything?

Anyways, still internet-less, but at least the neighbours are so lovely to let me use theirs. However, being the person that I am I don’t want to bother them on a daily basis… so sometimes I just stand in front of their house with my cell phone (probably looking likes a freakishly suspicious weirdo…) trying to get some internet access to let my family and boyfriend know I am still alive…

So this past weekend I took a long road trip to Metz (north of France; right next to Luxembourg). It was about a 4-hour drive through villages and rivers (so a much nicer drive than on the straight, boring highways of Ontario). It was lovely to see a friendly and familiar face here in France (and have a person to share some of the conflicts that I may have run in to – i.e the constant staring from French people whether you are a weird looking human or not… nobody discreetly stares… they just do and you know it, and even if you stare back right into the eyes, they don’t care, they’ll continue staring…). We decided to go to the Vosges mountains to try/ learn snowboarding. While on my first try I was a bit nervous and scared, I seemed to have gotten the hang of it by the end. And interestingly enough, I think I prefer it to skiing… I mean it’s just so much easier! 

The trip was quite entertaining as well, we happened to lose gas on the way up the mountain at which point we had to neutral it back down to the village to the first (and most likely, only) gas station. For the most part of the weekend we ate, drank, and caught up on lives in France, which was just so nice and relaxing compared to the energetic environment am I almost always surrounded by at my host families house.

Anyways that is all for now, I should probably leave the neighbours house… who knows how long the Internet will be out… I don’t want to overstay my welcome/ get on their nerves with my constant coming over. Back to the front yard I go… kidding… kind of.

How to survive an internet apocalypse

So for the past week (and several days to follow) the internet in our house has been busted... No idea what, and no person can fix it... Until wednesday, which is 2 more days in the future (oh and this is only being hopeful, you never know if it will actually be fixed). Then also, as my luck would have it, my cellular data has reached it's limit.. 15 days before my month is over!!! a;kdhfjaiuhefkawfehvw!! So yeah, when I say no internet, I mean none.

So how do you survive an internet apocalypse?

1. Read - I've finished almost 2 books already... internet has only been out for a week and a half.
2. Candy crush - I'm in the 100's for levels...
3. Pray to god you have something on your harddrive - I didn't. All I had was supernatural (which is more of a thriller and not something I want to watch continuously) and Rome - a show about ancient Rome about Caesar and stuff... mostly it's just a lot of naked people, sex scenes, and blood (think Game of Thrones), and spoiler... Caesar gets stabbed.
4. Have awesome friends who would let you use their internet.
5. Go to Paris - that is if you are lucky enough to live in France, if not (hah sucker), then go to some other city with internet cafés and McDonalds'.
6. Be lucky enough to have your kids you work with on vacation! (no there is no sarcasm intended here) I loved spending the week with my girls! We spent all this time outside, playing, and just being hyper children (yes me included). I don't think I say this enough, but gosh I am so lucky to have such wonderful and funny girls (kind of makes 'work' no longer work, and more play - literally)!
7. Go out with friends - whether it be forests or drinking.
8. Complete things off of your Paris museum bucket list.

I miss cats.. There was a random kitty sleeping in Shakespeare and Company.

Malheureusement we had to say goodbye to one of our friends this past week. Although we did have a wonderful last week. After the usual goodbye dinner, we of course had to go out in Paris one last time. After getting a hotel in one of the sketchiest areas of Paris we first went out for food and to buy alcohol for the night to come. After realizing that we could not drink a whole bottle of gin we decided to go for the mickey of absolute vodka. The store clerk clearly felt that would not be enough and just decided to put in a second bottle of absolute vodka for absolutely free.... followed by a "have a good night".... only. in. Paris.

After our mini-pre in the hotel room we headed out to the African club. While cover is "by-donation" drinks are freakishly expensive (12 euros for a cocktail!). I ended up having a drink... because I girl can't say no when a man insists on buying you a 12 euro drink. Afterwards we were invited to a party by these gentlemen. We were easily convinced with "we've got lots of alcohol". When we got there it was more of a smoke weed, get drunk with a 7 dudes... we quickly left. But all in all, it was a great way to say goodbye to a lovely friend made in France! Who will impart her music wisdom on me now…

Well off to my cave now… Time if finishing up at the anti cafe (speaking off if you are ever in Paris you must visit this place. 4 euros for an hour of internet, snacks, and all sort of cold and hot drinks).